Not an easy life..
Have you ever had a moment where you think the inner you can come out of you and slap you in your face and a solid punch in your core? I had one today, and I really could use a slap. Sometimes being over-friendly does kill me. Beaming with pride from yesterday’s mending my communication ways; I was all armed with a big friendly welcoming smile. I wore it starting morning and as I kissed my daughter good-bye and went off to work. Greeting all those that come my way, I’d say it was a great start to my day.
And as noon arrived I went to heat up my lunch in the break-room, where I bumped into a colleague who I had not seen in quite a few months. I knew she was expecting a baby end of November. So when the friendlier me saw her, I jumped to the opportunity of greeting her and asking her about her baby. Now any new parent would love to talk about their new found joy. And I thought, I am going to score some bonus points. But as soon as I finished asking about her baby, she faltered; she stammered hard and fought heavily to keep her tears at bay. That moment I knew that I had asked something very poisonous, that she could have avoided. In her broken voice, trying to not cry she said, “we..baby..problems.. lost our baby, excuse me”. She couldn’t even form her sentence, and this is how badly I had hurt her. She took her lunch from the oven, wiped out tears that she hoped I hadn’t seen, waved good-bye and walked away. As a parent myself, I think this has got to be the hardest thing one can ever say. I lost my father a couple years back and it was the most traumatic event of my life. I loved my dad, more than anyone or more than my love for all people combined. But I still think losing a child has got to be the most tragic thing that can happen to anyone.
I remained there standing, motionless, like I hit a rock falling on my head. It must have taken her good amount of time to get over that incident. And now, I come along and break her composure and melt away the hard ice. She will have to pick up her pieces of her soul and heart and cement them back together. Only this time, the job is more difficult because there are finer pieces from the first breakage. After she was gone, I wanted to shout out loud, and slap me in my face. It is couple hours past it, and I still regret asking that question. I am going to regret it my entire life. My only hope is that she forgives me.
Penning Away…
There is an urge today to write
My hands shiver, My heart so quite
The mind holds the key to the tidings
Meanwhile the heart is superfluous with the feelings
The influx of emotions flowing, completely bare
As no words wrap them, they are out there with no care
There is an opening right in the eye..
Finding solace in the tears that roll down by
05.14.2013
The growing list before I kick the bucket!
- Create the Family Tree.
- Run a marathon
- Learn to speak a foreign language and make sure you use it
- Kiss someone you’ve just met (kissed my daughter when she was born and she was placed in my hands) 5/26/2012
- Learn to rollerblade/ ski/ skate
- Give your mother a dozen red roses and tell her you love her.
- Send a message in a bottle
- Learn some form of dance properly
- Ride the Trans-Siberian Express across Asia
- Learn to play a musical instrument with some degree of skill
- Teach someone illiterate to read
- Get passionate about a cause, spend time helping instead of just thinking about it.
- Drive across America from coast to coast.
- Spend New Years in an exotic location- Phuket, Thailand 12/31/2012
- Go up in a hot-air balloon
- Spend three months getting your body into optimum shape
- Drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring- Hawaii, Dec 2009
- Learn not to say yes when you really mean no- In progress
- Reflect on your greatest weakness, and realize how it is your greatest strength
- Overcome your fear of failure
- Give to charity- anonymously
- Grow a garden
- Scuba dive off Australia’s Great Barrier Reef.
- Be able to handle tax forms
- Donate money & put Dad’s name on something: college scholarship, bench in park, derasar, school etc.
- Drive the Autobahn in Germany
- Paint!!!
- Learn photography
- Learn English like the scholars!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Attend one really huge rock concert.
- Skydive
- Spend a whole day eating junk food without feeling guilty
- Spend a whole day eating junk food without feeling guilty
- Ride a camel into the desert
- Be a member of audience in a TV show
- Fall deeply in love- helplessly and unconditionally
- Mentor someone
- Sleep under the stars
- Spend a whole day reading a great novel
- Learn to use a microphone and give a speech in public
- See the milky way- big Island Hawaii, Dec 2009
- Swim with a dolphin- Xel Ha Cancun, Mexico Dec 2011
- Attend at least 1 major sporting event: Super Bowl, the Olympics, the U.S. Open.
- Shower in a waterfall
- Have your portrait painted.
- Watch the launch of the space shuttle.
- Buy a round-the-world air ticket and a backpack, and run away
- Write a fan letter to your all-time favorite hero or heroine
- Ask for a raise
- See a lunar eclipse
- Experience weightlessness
- Ask someone you’ve only just met to go on a date
- Make a complete and utter fool of yourself
- Write your will
- Find a job you love
- Spend a Christmas on the beach- The Christmas in Cancun- Dec 2011
- Raft through the Grand Canyon
- Buy your own house and then spend time making it into exactly what you want.
- Kiss the Blarney stone in Cork, Ireland and develop the gift of gab
- Create your own web site
- Run to the top of the Statue of Liberty
- Look into your child’s eyes, see yourself, and smile(Always in progress every day every morning, every night)
- Take a picture in a photo booth with 10 (or more!) people.
- Rock a red lip
- Pay for stranger’s meal
- Set-up a food stand
- Ride a tandem bike with Kapil
- Bake a bread from scratch
- Celebrate a foreign holiday the way the natives do
- Watch a foreign film at a film festival
- Have everyone you meet for a day sign your shirt.
- Send a nice card to a stranger from the phone book.
- Drive on the opposite side of the road in US
- Go a whole week without technology
- Work for a vegan bakery or starbucks
Remembering Nani Ma (Maternal Grandma)
1/17/2012
All our life we want miracles to happen; magic to put us in awe
Forgetting that it surrounds us everyday
In the form of our loved ones breathing, laughing, crying, fighting
It is magic that we feel the love we feel
It is magic that we care so much
It is magic that we love and are loved
It is magic how we make and break relationships
‘tis not any less magical that the person who you chatted with, loved and loved back
laughed with, pulled leg
disappears in a blink of an eye
Only a speck left of them is your brain projecting images, sounds from your memory
There are days when you don’t want to talk to them
Other day you can’t talk to them even if you want to -they disappear
When they disappear you feel the need to talk, spend time and learn from them
Only to know that the magic is over
Respect the magic as it happens, be in awe of it..always
For you never know when it will stop
Love you nani!
It’s the climb that matters!
4/25/2010
I ran the longest distance in my life- 9 Miles. The weather was so beautiful and supportive- calming down my nerves as I breathed. In the morning I said a little prayer. These 5 mins eangaged my mind and body together like gears turning together after being oiled. I was focussed when I was running. 5 mins meditation made such a big difference in me and my attitude. The body and soul were operating as one entity-deeply involved. I wasnt tired, stressed, breathless or frustrated as I was during my training runs. My mind was strong and prepared, even though my body wasn’t.
The steep climb made me realise that running, climbing or attempting any challenging task teaches you how you will deal with your life. running up the slope was very difficult, but the surrounding scenery made it meaningful. When you do things with a shallow mindset you ask questions like why am I doing this, what is the value. If you are immersed, these questions never cross your mind.
Climbing is difficult but its only taking you higher and higher.
When you face a steep climb in your life look around you, you will find something worthwhile to make that climb easier. With that I will leave you with the song that comes to my mind very fit for this post. Its the song by Miley Cyrus(you read it right :)) called “Its the Climb”. I always hear it when I need a pick me up. Hope you like it and find it inspirational if you run out of some. Part of the lyrics are-
There’s always going to be another mountain
I’m always gonna wanna make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle
Somebody’s gonna have to loose
Ain’t about how fast I get there
Ain’t about what is on the other side
It’s the climb, Yeah!
The Mighty Cupola
There stood a tree strong and calm
Looked deeply rooted and firm
I decided to build my life and town
In the shadow of his royal crown
His aura was bright and his grandeur was such
feared him even the worst storm and the strongest gust
He was the Hero of my life
Saving me from all the poverty and strife
He stood by me through thick and thin
Standing tall and pride within
One fine morning I woke up with sun shine so stark
Out I came to find none of his mark
The tenacious beast beside me had gone
Leaving me all alone
He stood the brunt of storms so many
But alas was taken away from me so suddenly
Now when the winds run towards me like a dart
No fear in me I face them with the majesty of the tree in my heart
Beholding Tabula Rasa 