Not an easy life..

June 4, 2013 at 2:24 pm (Uncategorized)

Have you ever had a moment where you think the inner you can come out of you and slap you in your face and a solid punch in your core? I had one today, and I really could use a slap. Sometimes being over-friendly does kill me. Beaming with pride from yesterday’s mending my communication ways; I was all armed with a big friendly welcoming smile. I wore it starting morning and as I kissed my daughter good-bye and went off to work. Greeting all those that come my way, I’d say it was a great start to my day.

And as noon arrived I went to heat up my lunch in the break-room, where I bumped into a colleague who I had not seen in quite a few months. I knew she was expecting a baby end of November. So when the friendlier me saw her, I jumped to the opportunity of greeting her and asking her about her baby. Now any new parent would love to talk about their new found joy. And I thought, I am going to score some bonus points. But as soon as I finished asking about her baby, she faltered; she stammered hard and fought heavily to keep her tears at bay. That moment I knew that I had asked something very poisonous, that she could have avoided. In her broken voice, trying to not cry she said, “we..baby..problems.. lost our baby, excuse me”. She couldn’t even form her sentence, and this is how badly I had hurt her. She took her lunch from the oven, wiped out tears that she hoped I hadn’t seen, waved good-bye and walked away. As a parent myself, I think this has got to be the hardest thing one can ever say. I lost my father a couple years back and it was the most traumatic event of my life. I loved my dad, more than anyone or more than my love for all people combined.  But I still think losing a child has got to be the most tragic thing that can happen to anyone.

I remained there standing, motionless, like I hit a rock falling on my head.  It must have taken her good amount of time to get over that incident. And now, I come along and break her composure and melt away the hard ice. She will have to pick up her pieces of her soul and heart and cement them back together. Only this time, the job is more difficult because there are finer pieces from the first breakage. After she was gone, I wanted to shout out loud, and slap me in my face. It is couple hours past it, and I still regret asking that question. I am going to regret it my entire life. My only hope is that she forgives me.

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Penning Away…

May 31, 2013 at 11:52 pm (Odes)

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There is an urge today to write

My hands shiver, My heart so quite

The mind holds the key to the tidings

Meanwhile the heart is superfluous with the feelings

The influx of emotions flowing, completely bare

As no words wrap them, they are out there with no care

There is an opening right in the eye..

Finding solace in the tears that roll down by

05.14.2013

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The growing list before I kick the bucket!

March 13, 2012 at 4:25 pm (Uncategorized) (, )

  1. Create the Family Tree.
  2. Run a marathon
  3. Learn to speak a foreign language and make sure you use it
  4. Kiss someone you’ve just met (kissed my daughter when she was born and she was placed in my hands) 5/26/2012
  5. Learn to rollerblade/ ski/ skate
  6. Give your mother a dozen red roses and tell her you love her.
  7. Send a message in a bottle
  8. Learn some form of dance properly
  9. Ride the Trans-Siberian Express across Asia
  10. Learn to play a musical instrument with some degree of skill
  11. Teach someone illiterate to read
  12. Get passionate about a cause, spend time helping instead of just thinking about it.
  13. Drive across America from coast to coast.
  14. Spend New Years in an exotic location- Phuket, Thailand 12/31/2012
  15. Go up in a hot-air balloon
  16. Spend three months getting your body into optimum shape
  17. Drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring- Hawaii, Dec 2009
  18. Learn not to say yes when you really mean no- In progress
  19. Reflect on your greatest weakness, and realize how it is your greatest strength
  20. Overcome your fear of failure
  21. Give to charity- anonymously
  22. Grow a garden
  23. Scuba dive off Australia’s Great Barrier Reef.
  24. Be able to handle tax forms
  25. Donate money & put Dad’s name on something: college scholarship, bench in park, derasar, school etc.
  26. Drive the Autobahn in Germany
  27. Paint!!!
  28. Learn photography
  29. Learn English like the scholars!!!!!!!!!!!!
  30. Attend one really huge rock concert.
  31. Skydive
  32. Spend a whole day eating junk food without feeling guilty
  33. Spend a whole day eating junk food without feeling guilty
  34. Ride a camel into the desert
  35. Be a member of audience in a TV show
  36. Fall deeply in love- helplessly and unconditionally
  37. Mentor someone
  38. Sleep under the stars
  39. Spend a whole day reading a great novel
  40. Learn to use a microphone and give a speech in public
  41. See the milky way- big Island Hawaii, Dec 2009
  42. Swim with a dolphin- Xel Ha Cancun, Mexico Dec 2011
  43. Attend at least 1 major sporting event: Super Bowl, the Olympics, the U.S. Open.
  44. Shower in a waterfall
  45. Have your portrait painted.
  46. Watch the launch of the space shuttle.
  47. Buy a round-the-world air ticket and a backpack, and run away
  48. Write a fan letter to your all-time favorite hero or heroine
  49. Ask for a raise
  50. See a lunar eclipse
  51. Experience weightlessness
  52. Ask someone you’ve only just met to go on a date
  53. Make a complete and utter fool of yourself
  54. Write your will
  55. Find a job you love
  56. Spend a Christmas on the beach- The Christmas in Cancun- Dec 2011
  57. Raft through the Grand Canyon
  58. Buy your own house and then spend time making it into exactly what you want.
  59. Kiss the Blarney stone in Cork, Ireland and develop the gift of gab
  60. Create your own web site
  61. Run to the top of the Statue of Liberty
  62. Look into your child’s eyes, see yourself, and smile(Always in progress every day every morning, every night)
  63. Take a picture in a photo booth with 10 (or more!) people.
  64. Rock a red lip
  65. Pay for stranger’s meal
  66. Set-up a food stand
  67. Ride a tandem bike with Kapil
  68. Bake a bread from scratch
  69. Celebrate a foreign holiday the way the natives do
  70. Watch a foreign film at a film festival
  71. Have everyone you meet for a day sign your shirt.
  72. Send a nice card to a stranger from the phone book.
  73. Drive on the opposite side of the road in US
  74. Go a whole week without technology
  75. Work for a vegan bakery or starbucks

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Remembering Nani Ma (Maternal Grandma)

February 24, 2012 at 3:10 pm (Life Events, Odes) ()

1/17/2012

All our life we want miracles to happen; magic to put us in awe
Forgetting that it surrounds us everyday
In the form of our loved ones breathing, laughing, crying, fighting
It is magic that we feel the love we feel
It is magic that we care so much
It is magic that we love and are loved
It is magic how we make and break relationships
‘tis not any less magical that the person who you chatted with, loved and loved back
laughed with, pulled leg
disappears in a blink of an eye
Only a speck left of them is your brain projecting images, sounds from your memory
There are days when you don’t want to talk to them
Other day you can’t talk to them even if you want to -they disappear
When they disappear you feel the need to talk, spend time and learn from them
Only to know that the magic is over
Respect the magic as it happens, be in awe of it..always
For you never know when it will stop

Love you nani!

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It’s the climb that matters!

February 24, 2012 at 2:59 pm (Life Events) (, , )

4/25/2010

I ran the longest distance in my life- 9 Miles. The weather was so beautiful and supportive- calming down my nerves as I breathed. In the morning I said a little prayer. These 5 mins eangaged my mind and body together like gears turning together after being oiled. I was focussed when I was running. 5 mins meditation made such a big difference in me and my attitude. The body and soul were operating as one entity-deeply involved. I wasnt tired, stressed, breathless or frustrated as I was during my training runs. My mind was strong and prepared, even though my body wasn’t.

The steep climb made me realise that running, climbing or attempting any challenging task teaches you how you will deal with your life. running up the slope was very difficult, but the surrounding scenery made it meaningful. When you do things with a shallow mindset you ask questions like why am I doing this, what is the value. If you are immersed, these questions never cross your mind.

Climbing is difficult but its only taking you higher and higher.

When you face a steep climb in your life look around you, you will find something worthwhile to make that climb easier. With that I will leave you with the song that comes to my mind very fit for this post. Its the song by Miley Cyrus(you read it right :)) called “Its the Climb”. I always hear it when I need a pick me up. Hope you like it and find it inspirational if you run out of some. Part of the lyrics are-

There’s always going to be another mountain

I’m always gonna wanna make it move

Always going to be an uphill battle

Somebody’s gonna have to loose

Ain’t about how fast I get there

Ain’t about what is on the other side

It’s the climb, Yeah!

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The Mighty Cupola

February 24, 2012 at 2:18 pm (Odes)

There stood a tree strong and calm

Looked deeply rooted and firm

I decided to build my life and town

In the shadow of his royal crown

His aura was bright and his grandeur was such

feared him even the worst storm and the strongest gust

He was the Hero of my life

Saving me from all the poverty and strife

He stood by me through thick and thin

Standing tall and pride within

One fine morning I woke up with sun shine so stark

Out I came to find none of his mark

The tenacious beast beside me had gone

Leaving me all alone

He stood the brunt of storms so many

But alas was taken away from me so suddenly

Now when the winds run towards me like a dart

No fear in me I face them with the majesty of the tree in my heart

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